Our sex lives are undeniably a significant part of our lives and for most people, a topic clouded by utmost secrecy and mystery. It is therefore not surprising that some people will prefer to keep their naughty bedroom escapades to themselves. No one likes to air their dirty linen in public anyway, right? Once or twice, you and your friends will sit at your favorite bar or restaurant and share juicy gossip about who’s getting down and dirty with who. I won’t deny there have been times I’d relish the naughty conversations with my girlfriends about which guy had the longest package or who barely lasted 30 seconds in bed. However, when it comes down to the question of body count, many people shy away from revealing their number because they’re either afraid of being judged if it’s too high, or being looked down upon if it’s too low. There are numerous misconceptions held by the society about body count, and I feel like so many people are misinformed about this issue and continue to perpetuate their misinformation onto others. Ultimately, what we have in the end is a toxic society holding on to toxic perceptions about sex. Women are mostly the main victims of these wrongful facts. You’ve probably heard of derogatory words like ‘slut’ or ‘hoe’ widely used to shame women who choose to be sexually liberated. But do you know the term people use to refer to a man who has too much sex? Of course you don’t. Because the word doesn’t exist. Because men are never shamed for having high body counts. In fact, men who’ve had many sexual partners are viewed as more experienced at sex, more attractive and more likeable. The irony just jumped out, and it’s unfortunate. It’s now my job as the demystifier of myths to teach you a thing or two about body counts and highlight all the misconceptions surrounding this controversial topic.
By definition, body count simply refers to the number of people you’ve had penetrative vaginal sex with. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had intense makeout sessions with a sizeable number of men (that may or may not have involved a sloppy toppy), or if you’ve fingered a dozen women in the back seat of your car. If your sexual experience did not involve your dick sliding into her pussy, then your body count is zero. Having a body count of one means that you’ve only had penetrative sex with one person regardless of how many people you’ve kissed. Some people may lose track of the number of people they’ve slept with, especially if they have regular sex with multiple people. Not everyone fancies committed relationships and that’s fine. However, those who do keep track of their body counts never really reveal the correct number and some may subtract a few digits out of the fear of being judged. This mostly applies to women who like to have casual sex but are frowned upon by the society for blatantly exposing their high sex drive. This is why most of the myths we shall delve into will mostly feature women.
- The higher the body count, the looser the vagina
I find it ridiculous that most people actually think the number of men a woman has slept with is a reflection of how tight or loose her vagina is. Most people – especially men- like to body shame women that have high body counts by implying that their vaginas are like ‘hallways’ or ‘caves’ as a result of having too much sex. First of all, the vagina is elastic and is meant to stretch during sex to accommodate the penis. When a woman is sexually aroused, it naturally loosens up to ease penetration and immediately retracts to its original size after sex. It does not permanently stretch or become loose unless a baby comes out of it. With all this information, it would be ignorant of any grown adult to suggest that a woman’s pussy becomes looser with each sexual encounter. It is a horrible misconception that needs to be done away with, as the only purpose it serves is to belittle a woman’s sexuality and make women more insecure about their bodies. The irony of the situation is that nobody actually shames women who have a lot of sex with just one partner. Shouldn’t their vaginas be just as ‘loose’ as the women who have a lot of sex but with different partners? Double standards much? Dr. Sherry Ross, sex expert and author of She-ology reiterates that there is no correlation between a woman’s body count and the tightness of her vagina. That would imply that every time you fill your mouth with food, it gets wider and wider. The vagina is therefore not different from the mouth and everytime it gets stretched, it goes back to its original size. Therefore, no woman deserves to be pussy shamed for having a high body count. Period.
- Body count is a reflection of personality
The main reason most people tend to lie about their body count is the fear of being judged. This is because the society automatically labels people who have too much sex as immoral, promiscuous or other derogatory terms. Just because someone prefers to have casual sex with multiple people doesn’t mean they are mean and horrible or that they do not have the capacity to love. There is usually more than meets the eye. Some people tend to over-indulge in sex as a result of depression, anxiety or previous childhood trauma. Some are simply scared of being too emotionally attached to one partner and hence immerse themselves in the pleasures of one-night-stands and no-strings-attached kind of relationships. Nevertheless, this does not define their personality in any way. A good person will remain a good person irregardless of the number of people they’ve slept with. People should therefore not be defined by their body counts as this is not an accurate reflection of their true persona. Women with lower body counts are considered more morally upright, and much better people than their more sexually liberated counterparts, and this toxic misconception is what has led to so many insecurities, broken relationships and broken dreams. Most men will avoid dating women with high body counts for this very flawed reasoning. They will rule out her intelligence, hard work, ambition and kindness all because her body count points to double digits. It is the 21st century, and there is no place for such ignorant, shallow perceptions. All women are unique and special in their own way and insignificant issues such as body counts should not be used to ruin their self-esteem or self-image.
- A high body count is related to having STDs
It is indeed true that having penetrative sex with multiple partners increases your risk of acquiring sexually transmitted infections such as Herpes, HPV, HIV and many others. Having a higher body count therefore predisposes you to such infections especially if you like hitting it raw. For women, having unprotected penetrative sex with multiple partners makes them susceptible to cervical cancer as well as oral cancer. It is therefore advisable to use condoms everytime you’re planning to get down and dirty with someone new. Taking all this into consideration, it would therefore be wrong to assume that anyone with a high body count automatically has an STD. Someone with a much lower body count having unprotected sex is actually more vulnerable to these infections as opposed to someone having protected sex with numerous people. Instead of asking someone what their body count is and jumping into flawed conclusions, ask whether they’ve been using protection and how regularly they get tested for STDs. Keep in mind that people tend to lie about their sex lives, and the only way you can stay safe is by using protection.
- Doing the math: The multiplication rule
Owing to the fact that women tend to lie about their body count, a bunch of insecure, dimwitted men decided that it would be a brilliant idea to come up with a formula to approximate the actual number of guys a woman has had sex with. (As if slut shaming women isn’t already enough). So here it goes: If she says she’s slept with 4 guys, you have to multiply that number by 3 then add 4. So after doing the math, that brings the number all the way up to 16. If she says her body count is 8, the formula upgrades it to a whooping 28. The fact that this only applies to women shows the pathetic double standards held by the society we live in. Society dictates that it is fine for men to have as many sexual partners as they please, but when women choose to do the same, it’s pitchforks out. In fact, a woman having a body count higher than 6 is automatically slut shamed but when a man mentions double digits, nobody bats an eye. I guess the only solution would be to date guys that are terrible at math. That way, no one gets to slut shame us.
- Men with high body count are more attractive
I can’t speak for all women, but there’s a common misconception that men who get laid frequently are seen as more attractive and better skilled in bed. A man who has a very low body count tends to be labeled as inexperienced or amateur by most women, as well as his male counterparts. The societal pressure is immense, and this is the very reason why nobody is ever honest about the question pertaining to body count. There’s this common saying that talks about giving your body to others, and how this is very crucial as they will forever carry a piece of you. I completely agree with this, and would therefore prefer a man who has not had so many sexual partners because he understands the gravity of any sexual encounter and hence would not willingly give himself to just anyone. Infact for women like me, the opposite is true: men with lower body counts are more attractive. This does not discredit the men who prefer casual sex over commitment, but instead goes against this very myth that shames men who choose to have low body counts. Experience and skill in bed should not be determined by the number of people you’ve had sex with, but rather how well you can communicate with your partner about their sexual needs, what they prefer and how best to please them.
- Double Standards: Men vs women
As I have previously mentioned, women get a lot of hate and negativity from the society around them for choosing to be sexually liberated. Having casual sex with multiple partners automatically gets you labeled a slut, a whore or a tramp. Liking sex makes you promiscuous. Expressing your sexuality is highly shunned, while the man gets no condemnation for having a high body count. These double standards have been perpetuated for decades and many women have fallen victim to the constant bashing and slut shaming by men. Despite numerous advances in science, technology and education, people still seem to be so backward and closed-minded when it comes to the issue surrounding women’s bodies. Sex is still not talked about as openly as it should, and women are made to be ashamed about expressing their sexuality. On the other hand, nobody seems to have a problem with how many sex partners a man chooses to have. In fact, a man with a higher body count gets labeled a ‘champ’ for being able to bag so many women and for having amazing skills in bed. Nobody bothers to ask about a man’s body count because it wouldn’t matter even if it was high. A woman’s body count whether high or low doesn’t define her worth. If you’re going to call a woman a tramp for having a high body count, I suggest you maintain the same energy for a man who has a similar number. And since we’re striving for equality, all these flawed misconceptions need to be done away with.
- Relationships and body counts: Is it really necessary?
As a couple, it is inevitable that discussions about your sex life will come up at some point in the relationship. Healthy conversations about sex are normal and signify that your relationship is blossoming into something stable and worthwhile. However, asking your partner about their body count is highly unnecessary and shows that you are insecure about their past. If you truly love each other and are in a long term union, the question concerning their body count will only harm your relationship and here’s why: If she tells you the truth and it turns out to be something you didn’t expect, you’ll definitely feel disappointed and act differently towards her. She will ultimately feel insecure as a result of your indifference and your relationship will take a huge blow. On the other hand, if she lies about her body count out of fear of being judged by you, then it simply means your relationship isn’t built on enough trust and it will eventually crumble. Since your partner’s body count doesn’t define their worth, it is only right that you avoid this controversial question at all costs. However it is important to discuss about sexual topics that bear much significance to your relationship such as how often they get tested, whether they’ve had a sexually transmitted infection before, or if they have been diagnosed with any sexual disorder. In conclusion, your partner’s sexual history shouldn’t affect your relationship in any way. Besides, if you can’t handle their past, then you really don’t deserve to be in their future.